Have you ever noticed there are times when you want to voice your concerns, yet no matter what words you use, it just sounds like you are whining. As I write this I am struggling to give good realistic insight, without sounding bitter and needy, or emotionally damaged. So I wish you good luck as you read this, I hope you can hear what I actually mean, instead of what I sound like.
1 Peter 2:11-12
Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul. 12 Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation.
One of the principles I see communicated in this passage from 1 Peter is that the fleshly lusts wage war against the soul. Because our soul can decide to follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit or the prompting of the flesh.
Leviticus 23:27 “On exactly the tenth day of this seventh month is the day of atonement; it shall be a holy convocation for you, and you shall humble your souls and present an offering by fire to the LORD.
It is not easy to humble our soul. Our flesh looks at the evidence. What we can see, hear, touch, feel, experience, and understand.
1 John 2:16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.
The flesh asks who will be there to help me lord? God say's "trust me," and our soul starts to cry out for a person to walk along side us. Then we get that answer that nobody wants to hear when they are struggling with being lonely and afraid. That answer that is perfectly in line with scripture, but does not feel like it meets us at our moment of need. Usually some optimistic believer who is not
lonely and afraid at this very minute will come along and offer a christianese answer like Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
The flesh asks, what will it take to get through this? God replies "trust me," and our soul begs for answers we can grasp, not just another commonly quoted line like Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
The flesh asks when will it happen. God say's "trust me," and our soul searches frantically for a resolution that does not sound superficial and false like the christianese answers provided by well intended fellow believers who are not going through the turmoil we are facing. Even though they offer wonderful scriptures like Isaiah 40:31 Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new
strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and
not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.
The flesh asks where am I going Lord? God say's "trust me," and our soul searches for a path that makes sense to us, and the way we see the world. Then some well meaning brother or sister in Christ will offer Psalms 119:105 Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.
The flesh asks how will it ever happen, God say's "trust me," and our soul can only cry out for step by step process, something we can measure. Then some super believer who is not in the middle of the battle says something like Philippians 2:13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
The flesh asks why, God say's "trust me," and our soul begs for the meaning to be revealed, not just another answer one of our christian friends found on greeting card and thought it would help. Some common phrase like Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
These are all good responses to our struggles, the challenge is having the right perspective during our struggles, and learning to let God's word be enough even when it really does not feel like it is enough. Not many people yell at God because of the number of miles He placed the Sun and Moon from Earth. Yet they affect us every day of our life. Sure we complain about the weather, but not the fact that God chose to place the Sun and Moon in outer space. Now if they started crashing to earth, that would be a struggle for most of us. I am quite sure God would hear about it from most people, and no amount of scripture quoting would make anyone feel better about the situation. Unless they knew because of their relationship with God, that His word is a good enough answer.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Is Life Per Area or One Dimensional?
We all know people get labeled, like golfer, musician, super smart, egotistical, and shallow. The question is does the fact that people are a certain way in one area, make them that way as a person?
Proverbs 3:35
The wise inherit honor, but fools get only shame.
Proverbs 9:8
Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.
When you read proverbs and psalms you will find phrases like....
* the wicked....
* the righteous...
* the fool....
* the wise...
Are you a one dimensional person who can be labeled, or do you find many different things to be true throughout multiple areas of your life?
It seems like when we get into our wicked mode, the scriptures that talk about the wicked seem to apply. When we get into the righteous mode, the mode of acting like a fool, or being wise those scriptures apply to our behavior.
Proverbs 30:32-33
If you have been foolish, exalting yourself, or if you have been devising evil, put your hand on your mouth.
Aaron Neville sang the song "everybody plays the fool" and I believe that is true in everyone's life. We all play the part of the wicked, the righteous, the foolish, or the wise at some time. In some areas we do it more than in other areas.
So many things in life are per area, which makes it hard to measure a persons life on an all encompassing scale. Take as an example the way God describes King David. In Acts 13:22 After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’ Then God told David In 1 Chronicles 28:3 But God said to me, ‘You are not to build a house for my Name, because you are a warrior and have shed blood.’
If life is per area, then success is per area. We see celebrities that have amazing careers, and not so amazing relationships with their family, spouses, or children. We also see that choices are made per area, and consequences are experienced per area. Sometimes areas leave a mark on our life that is bigger than other areas. What choices are you making in certain area's, that are defining your life as a whole?
Proverbs 3:35
The wise inherit honor, but fools get only shame.
Proverbs 9:8
Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.
When you read proverbs and psalms you will find phrases like....
* the wicked....
* the righteous...
* the fool....
* the wise...
Are you a one dimensional person who can be labeled, or do you find many different things to be true throughout multiple areas of your life?
It seems like when we get into our wicked mode, the scriptures that talk about the wicked seem to apply. When we get into the righteous mode, the mode of acting like a fool, or being wise those scriptures apply to our behavior.
Proverbs 30:32-33
If you have been foolish, exalting yourself, or if you have been devising evil, put your hand on your mouth.
Aaron Neville sang the song "everybody plays the fool" and I believe that is true in everyone's life. We all play the part of the wicked, the righteous, the foolish, or the wise at some time. In some areas we do it more than in other areas.
So many things in life are per area, which makes it hard to measure a persons life on an all encompassing scale. Take as an example the way God describes King David. In Acts 13:22 After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’ Then God told David In 1 Chronicles 28:3 But God said to me, ‘You are not to build a house for my Name, because you are a warrior and have shed blood.’
If life is per area, then success is per area. We see celebrities that have amazing careers, and not so amazing relationships with their family, spouses, or children. We also see that choices are made per area, and consequences are experienced per area. Sometimes areas leave a mark on our life that is bigger than other areas. What choices are you making in certain area's, that are defining your life as a whole?
Is It Ok To Let People Get Away With Their Scams?
Psalm 37:7
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
It is easy to do this when you come at things from a position of power, rather then when you come at things from a position of weakness.
If you decide to walk everywhere you go, and you set up your whole life so that you wherever you need to go is within easy walking distance. If some authority comes into your life and tells you that you are not allowed to drive ever again, your response is "so what," because you had already decided to walk everywhere. If someone comes into your life and tries to create a scam that stops you from being able to ever drive again, your response is "so what," because you already decided to walk. Understanding how to come at things from a position of power gives you the freedom to let people scheme and not let it affect you. It also makes God's statement in Romans not such a weird statement.
Romans 12:19
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
It is easy to do this when you come at things from a position of power, rather then when you come at things from a position of weakness.
If you decide to walk everywhere you go, and you set up your whole life so that you wherever you need to go is within easy walking distance. If some authority comes into your life and tells you that you are not allowed to drive ever again, your response is "so what," because you had already decided to walk everywhere. If someone comes into your life and tries to create a scam that stops you from being able to ever drive again, your response is "so what," because you already decided to walk. Understanding how to come at things from a position of power gives you the freedom to let people scheme and not let it affect you. It also makes God's statement in Romans not such a weird statement.
Romans 12:19
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
God Always Gives Us A Decision To Choose The Way Out
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
1 Samuel 25:21-22 21
David had just said, “It’s been useless—all my watching over this fellow’s property in the wilderness so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good. 22 May God deal with David,[c] be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!”
God provided David a way out of this situation. First God got Davids Attention. Then offered him the knowledge that he had a clear choice to make. Even if we want to pretend like we are not sure, or we are looking for a different answer then the one we got. God knows every cell in our body, and He knows when we have heard Him, and when we need clarification.
1 Samuel 25:32-33
David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. 33 May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands.
How often does God meet in you in the middle of your heated moment or situation, and offer you nothing more than the opportunity to choose differently?
James 4:1-4 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
Proverbs 18:1
An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.
Proverbs 20:3
It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 17:14
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
1 Samuel 25:21-22 21
David had just said, “It’s been useless—all my watching over this fellow’s property in the wilderness so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good. 22 May God deal with David,[c] be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!”
God provided David a way out of this situation. First God got Davids Attention. Then offered him the knowledge that he had a clear choice to make. Even if we want to pretend like we are not sure, or we are looking for a different answer then the one we got. God knows every cell in our body, and He knows when we have heard Him, and when we need clarification.
1 Samuel 25:32-33
David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. 33 May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands.
How often does God meet in you in the middle of your heated moment or situation, and offer you nothing more than the opportunity to choose differently?
James 4:1-4 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
Proverbs 18:1
An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.
Proverbs 20:3
It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 17:14
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Keeping Secrets
Proverbs 11:13 A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.
It is often communicated that certain things should be kept a secret. If I tell that person I am really going to hurt them, and what good would that do? According to the Bible. The opposite is true. The importance of keeping a secret is directly related to what you know in your heart to be the right thing to do, because God knows what the right thing to do, and He knows what is in our heart.
Psalm 44:21 would not God have discovered it, since he knows the secrets of the heart?
Proverbs 9:17 “Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!”
Proverbs 17:23 The wicked accept bribes in secret to pervert the course of justice.
2 Corinthians 4:2
Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.
Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Matthew 10:26
“So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.
Proverbs 24:12
If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,” does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?
It is often communicated that certain things should be kept a secret. If I tell that person I am really going to hurt them, and what good would that do? According to the Bible. The opposite is true. The importance of keeping a secret is directly related to what you know in your heart to be the right thing to do, because God knows what the right thing to do, and He knows what is in our heart.
Psalm 44:21 would not God have discovered it, since he knows the secrets of the heart?
Proverbs 9:17 “Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!”
Proverbs 17:23 The wicked accept bribes in secret to pervert the course of justice.
2 Corinthians 4:2
Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.
Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Matthew 10:26
“So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.
Proverbs 24:12
If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,” does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?
Saturday, August 18, 2012
How To Overcome A Low Self Esteem and Get More Confidence
This is a story of how I was able to overcome a low self esteem, and get more confidence.
Newtons 3rd Law is that to every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction: or the forces of two bodies on each other are always equal and are directed in opposite directions. Another principle called the Unity of Opposites follows the same pattern, but takes the conclusion a step further by explaining that if the opposites were completely balanced, the result would be stasis, but often times one of the pairs of opposites is larger, stronger or more powerful than the other, such that over time, one of the opposed conditions prevails over the other.
In Luke 21:12-14 both of these laws are supported. Jesus explains that there will be push-back when you go into the world to share the good news, yet that push-back will become the testimony that convinces people the good news is worth fighting for.
Luke 12:13 And it shall turn to you for a testimony. Below is my testimony. It starts out looking like Newtons 3rd law, and ends up being a story about the Unity of Opposites. As I discovered the reasons I had a low self esteem and a complete lack of confidence were the same reasons I could overcome a low self esteem and become a lot more confident.
Have you ever met someone who said they always knew they were going to be a doctor, or an actor, or a mechanic? These people know at like age 4 what they want to be in life. Well, I was not like that, the only thing I knew for sure, was that I wanted be me.
Sounds simple enough right? Well, in reality it was quite a challenge. You see, I had no idea how to do it, there were no classes on how to be Merle "Mac" Moore, and no training manual, except maybe the Bible. Psalm 119:165 says, "Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble." That made sense to me until I tried to apply it in a practical way. For example. Matthew 5:39 says, “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” Now God knows I am ok with walking away when my opponent is a lot bigger, and a lot tougher than me, but if someone hit me, and I thought I could take them, then it was on!
So because at this point in my life I did not know how practical the Bible was, I did what most people do, I decided to lean on my own understanding. And we all know what the Bible says about that don't we? Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Well I figured I knew how to identify what I liked and what I did not like, and that would help me figure out how to be me just fine.
I even created a two step process. Step one, I asked myself a question, and step two, I would make an inner vow about how I wanted things to be in my life. The best resource i could find for deciding how I wanted my life to be, was to identify what I did not like in other peoples life. On a practical level this sounds like it should work. That is until Newtons 3rd Law kicks into gear. For every observation, there was an equal yet opposite inner resolution. I found that instead of just taking note of what other people did, I usually judged it, and then applied that standard to myself. Now we all know what the Bible says about judging right? Matthew 7:1-3 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" I did not feel like I was judging, I felt like I was putting together a list of best practices so that I could be happy.
I would be out with friends and someone would say something that did not fit the situation, and my two part process would kick into high gear. First the question, "do you believe they said that?" Then the inner vow, "I will never be someone who does not know what is and is not appropriate to say!"
I noticed when I would be at a meeting, someone would walk into the room, and it was apparent they did not know how to dress appropriately for this type of event. My process would start right up. First the question, "do you believe they dressed like that?" Then the inner vow, "I will never be someone who does not know how to dress appropriately!"
Then there were times when I would be out and about doing my thing, I would see someone do something that just impacted me on a very personal level. My process would respond with full force. First the question, "do you believe they acted like that?" Then the inner vow, "I will never be someone who does not know how to act appropriately!"
After a while this seem to happen automatically. I did not even notice most of the time, I just asked myself the questions, and made my inner vows. Then I started developing my standards using the database of inner vows I had collected, and this is where i first noticed that it all had gone very, very wrong.
I wanted to ask a girl out on a date and I couldn't. I was not sure what to say, and I was never going to be the person who did not know what to say.
A friend asked me to go with them to a church function, and I couldn't go, because I did not know how to dress. I was never going to be the person who did not know how to dress appropriately.
I found this great job opportunity and they said I had to call for an interview, and I just couldn't call, because I didn't know beyond a shadow of a doubt the best way to act in the interview. I was never going to be the person who did not know how to act appropriately.
All of the sudden I was a prisoner of my own standards, which I had made as a result of judging other people. I was constantly afraid someone was going to judge me if I did not dress the right way, or say and do the right things. All of the sudden I understood what the Bible meant. Judge not lest you be judged. I judged other people, and wound up judging myself so harshly I couldn't do anything unless I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could master it, or at least put on an above average show.
All I ever wanted was to live a good life, and be a certain type of person. I knew this was reflected in my inner vows, I just did not know that the way I had judged others was the very burden that was weighing me down. All those things “I was never going to be” stopped me from doing what I felt was right, and what I felt was healthy. I noticed that my inner vows and judgements had become my stumbling blocks. So I did what every good Christian would do in this situation. I blamed God. Proverbs 19:3 A man's own foolish acts destroy his life. But his heart is angry with the Lord. See in the world at large people blame their boss, their spouse, the company, or the government. In some Christian circles, we just blame God. I say "some", so that people can have a little hope that there is a group of Christians out there who never blame anyone but themselves regardless of the situation. Even if they get hit by a truck, they say it was their fault for sitting in the living room.
Now blaming God is a type of prayer, since you are talking, and He say's He is always listening. Like all prayer, my blaming God prayers would end with a cry for help. I asked God to help me figure it out what to do. His answer, amazingly enough, was pretty simplistic. Give yourself permission.
So the first thing I did was give myself permission to be the hypocrite described in Proverbs 19:3 and then I started writing out all the inner vows I had made, all the things I was "never going to be." Then I started writing out how I was going to give myself permission to say things that might not be appropriate, but that I knew were right, or necessary. I gave myself permission to ask questions that might not be good questions, but were questions I needed answered. I gave myself permission to dress comfortably, and do things that I knew were right, or necessary.
Life started to get a lot easier. My confidence improved. It became easier to set realistic boundaries, and to enforce those boundaries without having to feel like I was wrong or unreasonable. It became easier to take on things I had not tried before, because I was not afraid of failure, or of what other people thought of me. I was making a bunch of new inner vows. Healthy inner vows. I had permission to do things my way, and to be me.
Does your two step process sound anything like mine?
First the question, "Can you believe they did that?
Second the inner vow "I will never be...."
If you have lived this way, you no doubt have created your own database of inner vows. The solution is a four step process of giving yourself permission to break those hindering inner vows, and create new empowering inner vows.
Step 1: Pray since your praying anyway. Wink. Ask God to show you what areas you need to work on..
1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
Step 2: Write out the areas you are struggling
Step 3: Ask yourself what is the inner vow that you made in regard to this area of your life?
For Example: You find it hard to exercise. You remember that time you said, "I will never be someone who looks stupid exercising." and you give yourself permission "It is ok if I do not exercise perfectly. I will get better as I become more experienced."
Step 4: Continue to do this in every area of your life where you are not getting the results you want to see. You may have made hundreds of little decisions about any given area, or just one decision. You need to give yourself permission to move forward. With time and effort you will set yourself free. Believe it or not the Bible promises that you already have what it takes to do this. Proverbs 14:10 Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.
Newtons 3rd Law is that to every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction: or the forces of two bodies on each other are always equal and are directed in opposite directions. Another principle called the Unity of Opposites follows the same pattern, but takes the conclusion a step further by explaining that if the opposites were completely balanced, the result would be stasis, but often times one of the pairs of opposites is larger, stronger or more powerful than the other, such that over time, one of the opposed conditions prevails over the other.
In Luke 21:12-14 both of these laws are supported. Jesus explains that there will be push-back when you go into the world to share the good news, yet that push-back will become the testimony that convinces people the good news is worth fighting for.
Luke 12:13 And it shall turn to you for a testimony. Below is my testimony. It starts out looking like Newtons 3rd law, and ends up being a story about the Unity of Opposites. As I discovered the reasons I had a low self esteem and a complete lack of confidence were the same reasons I could overcome a low self esteem and become a lot more confident.
Have you ever met someone who said they always knew they were going to be a doctor, or an actor, or a mechanic? These people know at like age 4 what they want to be in life. Well, I was not like that, the only thing I knew for sure, was that I wanted be me.
Sounds simple enough right? Well, in reality it was quite a challenge. You see, I had no idea how to do it, there were no classes on how to be Merle "Mac" Moore, and no training manual, except maybe the Bible. Psalm 119:165 says, "Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble." That made sense to me until I tried to apply it in a practical way. For example. Matthew 5:39 says, “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” Now God knows I am ok with walking away when my opponent is a lot bigger, and a lot tougher than me, but if someone hit me, and I thought I could take them, then it was on!
So because at this point in my life I did not know how practical the Bible was, I did what most people do, I decided to lean on my own understanding. And we all know what the Bible says about that don't we? Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Well I figured I knew how to identify what I liked and what I did not like, and that would help me figure out how to be me just fine.
I even created a two step process. Step one, I asked myself a question, and step two, I would make an inner vow about how I wanted things to be in my life. The best resource i could find for deciding how I wanted my life to be, was to identify what I did not like in other peoples life. On a practical level this sounds like it should work. That is until Newtons 3rd Law kicks into gear. For every observation, there was an equal yet opposite inner resolution. I found that instead of just taking note of what other people did, I usually judged it, and then applied that standard to myself. Now we all know what the Bible says about judging right? Matthew 7:1-3 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" I did not feel like I was judging, I felt like I was putting together a list of best practices so that I could be happy.
I would be out with friends and someone would say something that did not fit the situation, and my two part process would kick into high gear. First the question, "do you believe they said that?" Then the inner vow, "I will never be someone who does not know what is and is not appropriate to say!"
I noticed when I would be at a meeting, someone would walk into the room, and it was apparent they did not know how to dress appropriately for this type of event. My process would start right up. First the question, "do you believe they dressed like that?" Then the inner vow, "I will never be someone who does not know how to dress appropriately!"
Then there were times when I would be out and about doing my thing, I would see someone do something that just impacted me on a very personal level. My process would respond with full force. First the question, "do you believe they acted like that?" Then the inner vow, "I will never be someone who does not know how to act appropriately!"
After a while this seem to happen automatically. I did not even notice most of the time, I just asked myself the questions, and made my inner vows. Then I started developing my standards using the database of inner vows I had collected, and this is where i first noticed that it all had gone very, very wrong.
I wanted to ask a girl out on a date and I couldn't. I was not sure what to say, and I was never going to be the person who did not know what to say.
A friend asked me to go with them to a church function, and I couldn't go, because I did not know how to dress. I was never going to be the person who did not know how to dress appropriately.
I found this great job opportunity and they said I had to call for an interview, and I just couldn't call, because I didn't know beyond a shadow of a doubt the best way to act in the interview. I was never going to be the person who did not know how to act appropriately.
All of the sudden I was a prisoner of my own standards, which I had made as a result of judging other people. I was constantly afraid someone was going to judge me if I did not dress the right way, or say and do the right things. All of the sudden I understood what the Bible meant. Judge not lest you be judged. I judged other people, and wound up judging myself so harshly I couldn't do anything unless I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could master it, or at least put on an above average show.
All I ever wanted was to live a good life, and be a certain type of person. I knew this was reflected in my inner vows, I just did not know that the way I had judged others was the very burden that was weighing me down. All those things “I was never going to be” stopped me from doing what I felt was right, and what I felt was healthy. I noticed that my inner vows and judgements had become my stumbling blocks. So I did what every good Christian would do in this situation. I blamed God. Proverbs 19:3 A man's own foolish acts destroy his life. But his heart is angry with the Lord. See in the world at large people blame their boss, their spouse, the company, or the government. In some Christian circles, we just blame God. I say "some", so that people can have a little hope that there is a group of Christians out there who never blame anyone but themselves regardless of the situation. Even if they get hit by a truck, they say it was their fault for sitting in the living room.
Now blaming God is a type of prayer, since you are talking, and He say's He is always listening. Like all prayer, my blaming God prayers would end with a cry for help. I asked God to help me figure it out what to do. His answer, amazingly enough, was pretty simplistic. Give yourself permission.
So the first thing I did was give myself permission to be the hypocrite described in Proverbs 19:3 and then I started writing out all the inner vows I had made, all the things I was "never going to be." Then I started writing out how I was going to give myself permission to say things that might not be appropriate, but that I knew were right, or necessary. I gave myself permission to ask questions that might not be good questions, but were questions I needed answered. I gave myself permission to dress comfortably, and do things that I knew were right, or necessary.
Life started to get a lot easier. My confidence improved. It became easier to set realistic boundaries, and to enforce those boundaries without having to feel like I was wrong or unreasonable. It became easier to take on things I had not tried before, because I was not afraid of failure, or of what other people thought of me. I was making a bunch of new inner vows. Healthy inner vows. I had permission to do things my way, and to be me.
Does your two step process sound anything like mine?
First the question, "Can you believe they did that?
Second the inner vow "I will never be...."
If you have lived this way, you no doubt have created your own database of inner vows. The solution is a four step process of giving yourself permission to break those hindering inner vows, and create new empowering inner vows.
Step 1: Pray since your praying anyway. Wink. Ask God to show you what areas you need to work on..
1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
Step 2: Write out the areas you are struggling
Step 3: Ask yourself what is the inner vow that you made in regard to this area of your life?
For Example: You find it hard to exercise. You remember that time you said, "I will never be someone who looks stupid exercising." and you give yourself permission "It is ok if I do not exercise perfectly. I will get better as I become more experienced."
Step 4: Continue to do this in every area of your life where you are not getting the results you want to see. You may have made hundreds of little decisions about any given area, or just one decision. You need to give yourself permission to move forward. With time and effort you will set yourself free. Believe it or not the Bible promises that you already have what it takes to do this. Proverbs 14:10 Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.
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